God's perfect timing

Why is it so hard to wait on God's perfect timing?  Even though God has always come through, and I have no reason to doubt that His timing is better than mine, I still continue to get impatient.  I have this "plan" in my head and I want it to be God's plan, but obviously it's not.  So why can't I surrender and just know that God obviously has a better plan than I do?

As I've been doing my bible reading (not always daily like I'd like, but I'm still doing it, and something is better than nothing, right?), I'm currently in Exodus and have been reading about all the plagues and how God continued to harden Pharaoh's heart.  As I'm reading, I'm going, "but God, if pharaoh's going to let them go, why not just let them go."  The Israelites were getting angry with Moses because he was bringing more hardships on them.  But when you get to the end, you realize not only did God let them go, but they left with all the riches of Egypt.  God's timing is so much better than our own.  If we can just be patient, not only will He give us what we need, but He will bless us with so much more.

To take it to current day and personal experiences, God blessed me with the wonderful husband that I have now, and it came after what felt like a lot of waiting.  I didn't date at all in high school.  Not really by my own choice either.   I struggled and wondered what was wrong with me? Am I that hideous? Do I have that terrible of a personality?  Maybe some people thought that about me, but God knew what I needed and knew what was best for me.  He spared me the emotional pain of  failed relationships, and in return gave me a wonderful man who loves me, respects me, and helps to balance out all my craziness! (And is pretty darn handsome if I do say so myself :) )

Then, when we went to buy our house.  We thought we found a great house and were going to get a really great deal on it, but the house had already gone into foreclosure and we would not be able to give an offer to the bank for another couple weeks.  I was devastated.  We decided to keep looking during the time and found the house that we now own.  It is so much nicer than the house we found first and we have just loved it.  When we saw it and put the offer down, it had only been on the market for 4 days!  It wasn't my timing, but it was Gods.  And, it was perfect!  Did I mention that it also happens to be 2 minutes from a church?  That we decided to try since it was so close? That we loved and have made some relationships with some wonderful people in and I wouldn't trade knowing them for the world?  And did I mention that God's timing is perfect?

The most recent reminder that I've had has been a big one, but in a tiny package. It's been just over 2 years since we joined our church, since we met Colin and Erica, and since we learned of their journey.  From the moment I found out about it, I felt so drawn to their story.  To make a long story short, they have struggled with infertility and when we met them, they had just had a second unsuccessful round of IVF.  Shortly after we joined their small group (bible study), they began their 3rd and final try of IVF.  This time they were successful and were blessed with a pregnancy.  Soon after they received this blessing of life, they had a miscarriage.  Words cannot express how devastating this was for them, and I cannot even come close to understanding their pain, but my heart was broken for them even though I had only known them for a few months.  I didn't understand.  I was mad at God.  Why would He allow that to happen?  I struggled with that for months and don't think I even shared with anyone that it had really shaken my faith.  I wondered how a loving God could give one of His children such joy through a new pregnancy only to take it away so quickly.  I tried to still act positive when I shared their story and would tell others that I knew God was in control and had great plans for them.  Really though, I was saying those things, but wasn't believing them.  I was MAD at God and wondering if He really was in control.  I had prayed constantly for Colin & Erica and their future children, but after I learned of the miscarriage my prayer life dwindled to almost nothing.  I was hurt, angry, confused, and questioning my faith.

A few months after the miscarriage they decided to pursue adoption through the state foster care system.  As they completed all the requirements and became eligible for a placement I found myself getting very excited and anxiously awaited getting the call that their child was on it's way into their arms.  My faith was beginning to grow again and I was starting to believe that God really did have a plan and He really did know what was best.  The day finally came, March 5, 2009.  One year ago, today.  Just 4 days old, a baby boy, 6.5 lbs of Heaven, was on his way to their home. I can't tell you how excited I was.  It was such a huge answer to prayer.  I wanted to drive myself over to their house that instant, but I didn't for fear that they would think I was crazy.  So, I patiently (or maybe not so patiently if you ask my husband) waited for an "invitation" to go meet their new addition.  The next day I got that invitation and was at their house in a heart beat.  It just melted my heart to see them so happy!  I fell in love with that sweet boy the moment I held him!  What a beautiful reminder of God's faithfulness!  Nate truly is a gift from God.

I was fortunate enough to get to be reminded of that faithfulness all summer long.  Every day I got to hold him, play with him, watch him fall asleep in my arms, see him learn new things, and just plain love him.  I cannot imagine not having Nate in my life.  If it had not been for God's perfect timing, where would sweet Nate be right now?  Would he have had tons of people to love him?  Wonderful parents?  Would he be happy?  I don't know, but what I do know, is that God gave all of those things to him by giving him to Colin and Erica.  And through that, I was blessed too!  Even though my struggles have been different, I have been able to be reminded by that sweet little boy (who is so full of smiles, laughter and all around cuteness) that God's perfect plan is our "light" at the end of the long dark tunnel.  We can't see beyond our current struggle (which can make it so difficult sometimes), but God can.

As I was walking through Target one weekend, a butterfly caught my eye and since I love them, I had to turn around and go see this butterfly.  It was on a piece of wall art and as I looked at it, I noticed it had writing.  As I read the words, I knew I just had to buy it.  It's a simple reminder to me that doing something is better than nothing, and to start you just take one single step.

So as we go on this journey we call life, we really only need to take it one step at a time.  God sees what is ahead of us and if we put our trust in Him, He will guide our way.  No matter how hard the step is, with faith, prayer, and His Word, we can take that step.  After all, we only have to take one, and He will be there to carry us in those times when we don't even feel we have the strength to take just one.  Even though I can sit here and write all of that out, and try to remind myself that His timing is perfect and best...it is still so very, very, hard!  I still struggle A LOT, but it's those little reminders that help me to push through.  It's just a single step...