33 Weeks
Total Weight Loss/Gain: I think I'm up about 29 pounds. I'm having some swelling right now, so that could be adding to it, but I'm not that concerned. I would like to stay at or below 35 though, so I need to be careful these next few weeks :)
Maternity Clothes: Mostly all maternity, but lots of pajamas. Unfortunately for Logan, we aren't getting out much.
Sleep: Not very much. Last night was horrible. Not only did it take me a while to fall asleep, but I woke up to some pretty bad heartburn. I then had to wait for that to calm down before I could fall asleep again (sitting up unfortunately). Even after that though I didn't stay asleep. I'm worn out. I swear this is worse than when Logan was born & I had to feed him though the night. I will find out soon enough though when our sweet girl arrives.
Movement: It's not as crazy as it used to be. She's a lot calmer - maybe just more cramped.
Cravings/Aversions: Last week I was craving hot fudge sundaes from McDonalds. I was very disappointed to learn they are no longer $1.
What I Miss: Sleep
Gender: It's a girl! This is still a little crazy to me.
Mood: Just plain tired - physically, mentally & emotionally.
Milestones: We've made it one more week with no baby yet. She's hanging in there and I'm very glad for that.
We're pretty certain about the first name, but still working on the middle name. I can't decide if I want to share the first name on here yet, or wait until we have the middle name too.
Symptoms/Medical Concerns: The pain from my nerve seems to fluctuate depending on what I do. If I can manage to keep off of it, it does pretty well, but if I do too much or step/move wrong it sends shooting pains that make me want to fall to the floor, but I don't because I'm pretty sure if I did, it would hurt even worse. And, once I injure it, the next day seems to be especially bad. I'm still dealing with increased heartburn & restless leg. I have also had a couple times where I started seeing spots & having blurred vision like I did twice when I was pregnant with Logan. I think it has to do with my blood pressure and maybe even blood sugar. It usually goes away after about 30 minutes of laying down & drinking lots of water. Eating also seems to help some. I'm starting to have more swelling again. It still seems to come and go, but is lingering a whole lot more.
Differences From Past Pregnancy: I don't really know at this point. I think I've listed most of the differences. I definitely feel shaped differently this time even though I haven't gained the same amount of weight as last time (of course there's still time for me to, but I'm trying to keep from adding the few extra pounds than are recommended that I gained last time) What I Look Forward To: Same - still hoping to make it 4 more weeks to be considered full term. I really want to go all the way to 40 weeks though. I want her to have time to grow and gain the weight she needs to so hopefully the eating and sleeping will go well.
Anything Else You'd Like to Share: This weekend we had a great time visiting my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and most importantly meeting our new niece, Claire. She's an angel of course. It was so fun to have a sleeping baby snuggling in my arms and on my chest. I'm even more excited for our sweet girl's arrival as I won't have to leave her or give her back to her momma ;-)
I have to be honest though this weekend was a little tough for me as it's the exact weekend we were in Austin last year, only last year I was going through a miscarriage. No one even knew we were pregnant, and no one knew what we were going through, but we didn't feel it was the time/place to share, so I pretended like nothing was out of the ordinary when inside I was dying to just grieve. So thinking about the memories of that mad me a little nervous to go back on this weekend, however, I'm glad we did as it can now be a weekend associated with so much joy. Today is actually the date of when my miscarriage began and I'm honestly in a better place than I might have otherwise been had our circumstances been different. I'm so thankful I have the birth of our sweet girl to look forward to even though I'm mourning the fact that we never got to give birth to the sweet baby we conceived last year. My mom's bible study group was so sweet to remember and prayed for me on Friday and sent a sweet gift for me with my mom. It's a beautiful, white, stained glass angel and the candle they lit during the prayer. It's a very special and sweet reminder of the little angel we lost.
Not to continue to be a downer (and feel free to not read this part especially if you don't like negative stuff), but because this is kind of like a journal for me, I want to record a few more things I'm struggling with. I love being able to carry new life within me, but I'm struggling with all the ways it is limiting me. I want to be a good wife & mom, but I feel like because of all the difficulties I've had with this pregnancy, I'm failing at my jobs. I want to be able to play with Logan and when he wants me to do things with him I don't like having to say "Mommy can't do that right now" or "That hurts Mommy, I can't do that" or "Mommy can't pick you up" or whatever other reason I have to give that is preventing me from being the Mommy I want to be. It breaks my heart. He's very aware of the change, I think, and has begun acting out with me due to it as well. I also hate having to ask my husband to do more than he already does. He's working and going to school and I just don't want to ask him to spend his entire evening taking care of Logan, making dinner, doing chores and/or running errands. Those are all things I want to be able to do for my family without having to ask for help. My parents & in-laws have also offered to help and it's so hard to accept. I know they have their own things that need to be done, so I don't like asking for them to give up their time. I want to be well enough to do it myself. I have friends that have offered help as well, but I don't want to rely on others for things I FEEL like I should be capable of doing myself. I do not want to be a burden to others, but each day with the pain I'm realizing more and more I just don't know how I'm supposed to do it, and I'm running out of time. This is not intended to be a pity party where I'm looking for people to tell me it's ok or whatever. I know it's ok to ask for help, I just emotionally really struggle with it and it feels good just to write it. When I share stuff like this, I really pretend no one reads it, so I can just vent and hopefully feel better afterwards.
And no picture this week. I was actually out of pajamas this whole weekend, but didn't manage to get picture. Oh well! Sorry! Maybe next week :)
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